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d3ebumblebe3
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Name: Duyen
Gender: Female
Interests: singing, dancing, acting, exercising, karaoke, watching tv, AIM, the beach, listening to music, jazz, movies...
Expertise: Not an expert in anything really... if anything I would say re-runs, Clueless the movie and Nsync songs. hahah!
Occupation: Student
Message: message me
Member Since:
8/21/2003
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| This is too sad! My boredom has driven me to blogging once again on this xanga that I have had since I was fifteen years old. hahah! Wow, how lame is this? Alright, I will stop complaining and will actually begin my blog. I am watching FRIENDS right now, one of the best shows on this planet and just finished a tortilla sandwich that I made for myself as a midnight snack because my stomach was calling out to me. I am so weak! While all of this excitement is occurring, I cannot stop thinking about "love." I am going to dislike myself immensely tomorrow for even admitting to this but I want to fall in love. How stupid is that? What is love? I am not so sure it even exist for me. I am beginning to think that it cannot last. With the discoveries that we have made as humans through modern medicine, the average life span has extended by many decades, thus, the whole concept of finding a life partner has evolved as well, and so I am wondering about whether or not it is realistic to think that people can remain faithful within a relationship for 30 years or more. I mean is that not a ridiculous expectation? My parents are struggling with it everyday and they have been together since they were 19 years old. Their love, for lack of a better word (excuse me), is so retarded. I cannot even stand thinking about it anymore. I have never witnessed a relationship more torturous than theirs. Their relationship is too irritating, frustrating, and unhealthy. They are not meant to be. What does that mean anyway? Meant to be? Are people really meant to be? All I know is that their personalities differ on a scale the size of the moon. Basically, they do not function well together. How weird is it that since I was about 9 or 10 I have had the most sincere desire for my parents to get divorced? I am exhausted. I know that no family is normal but it gets to be too much some times. I hate waking up to their screaming and yelling and the fear that I get deep down in my stomach.
Yet, I still want it. I still want to know what it is like to be "in love" with someone. I know I am not going to get married or settle down any time soon and that is not even remotely what I want to fall "in love" for. I just want to know. I just want to know that I can love some one in that way and that some one can love me back in the same way. I sound so dumb right now. But, honestly, I am 20 years old and I have never felt that way about any one. Everyone says my time will come and that when it is right I will know, but I give up. I am tired of waiting - there is nothing special out there at least not for me. I mean maybe whatever I am supposed to be waiting for does not exist. I am being all emotional but I do not give a s*it! I am a beautiful human being inside and out and though I have my flaws I know that I deserve to be loved and if some guy cannot see that than I much rather be alone.
Allora, ho finito!
Buona Notte!
Delia
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| I don't even know why I am writing on here. Xangas... lame! haha! Wow, well I hope no one finds this and reads it because I rather not get any responses. I just need an outlet. I am supposed to be writing a paper for my stupid f*cking Asian American Studies R2B class, but of course, I am slacking off. I am a major slacker now. I have so much crap to do, but then again, who doesn't? I guess what I have to look forward to is summer. Oh thank goodness! I am just so exhausted, mostly with myself. I don't even understand myself anymore. I am twenty years old and I have completely loss myself. Who the f*ck am I? Am I a good person? I really can't gage that anymore. How sad is that? Rhetorical... nobody answer. haha! Well, we all know who is a weirdo... I guess that is something that I have in common with him. Oh him, who is he? No one really. No, really though. No one! It doesn't even matter anymore. It is not about boys. It is about me. It is about my self esteem, my self security. It is what I lack. I don't even know how to gain it. I feel like I faked it for a while, but somehow I lost that as well. I lose everything these days, including my SID for the millionth time. Ok, I am totally over exaggerating, but honestly, those things do not come cheap. I need to look for that. Too bad, I am the laziest person I know. Am I happy about anything? I am not so sure anymore. This year has just been so irritating. I feel like such a baby! It is not like I am crying everyday or anything like that, but I do from time to time especially when I get too drunk. I am just such a sensitive person. I think I feel too much. I feel so much that I just want to stop. I think that is why I started hooking up. I just don't want to care anymore.
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| So I am in college now. Wow, I still cannot believe I am at Berkeley. I have a term paper due on Wednesday that I am totally lagging on. It is so late; I should be sleeping. I went onto his myspace even though I don't have one myself anymore. Sometimes I just want to see how he is doing... why? I don't know! I have moved pass everything that happened between him and me, BUT that does not mean that I stopped caring about him period. It is hard not to... I want him to be safe and I still wish him all the best. Even now I still wish that he had never shut me out of his life. Oh well, what happens happens. It must have been destined to be this way. Just sad that is all!
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| I am so exhausted! I am tiring myself out! I do not know what it is that is causing me to not be able to get over it. It has been seriously six months since we stopped “talking” (what a stupid term). Yet, I cannot help but still feel so trampled by you. Why can’t I stop hurting? I cannot take it anymore! I am 100% serious and sure about this: I can’t take it! I am so weak! What is wrong with me? So many strong and beautiful women surround me and yet none of them are rubbing off on me. There is nothing there to not understand. It is over, the relationship and the friendship. Things will never be the same again, and I have had so much time to contemplate that concept, yet I seem to not be over it! Please, someone tell me what I am supposed to do. Should I shoot myself, because honestly, at this point I am at a loss?
After all this time, one would think that we would both know better than to repeat the same mistakes that we once made before, but I suppose life is just funny that way. Everyone tells me to act like I do not care because apparently that is the best thing to do, and at this point, there really is nothing else I can do. I have told you time and time again of how I feel, there is nothing more that I can say to you to change your mind. Maybe our friendship was never anything to you to begin with. I think I need a lobotomy! Whatever! F*** IT!
I HATE ME!! | | |
| Night Owls
The sun begins to fade away over the hills,
And soon it will be time for fun and thrills.
Children are fast asleep in their beds,
While those night owls are out instead.
The spontaneity of what may come,
Is what brings out not many but some.
Something in the air causes excitement to stir.
Everyone waits for the action to occur.
The city lights glow over the busy streets,
There in the night friends, lovers, and strangers meet.
Enjoying the company they laugh, dance, sing, and play.
Time flies and together they welcome a new day.
Wishing that this moment would never end,
Hugs and kisses are exchanged between old and new friends.
There comes a time when even night owls must sleep,
The time from which they enter the world of counting sheep. | | |
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